A girl like me ebook

The Power. The decision of when we get to kiss you is yours. That decision is yours. We put our hands somewhere on your body other than your shoulder and you decide if we can keep touching that place or if we gotta let it go. Our job is to convince you to give it to us—to allow us to touch it, let us have it. But the decision on whether we actually get to have it is Y. Keep it. You only give up that power when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect it and do something with it.

Women have crumbled empires with that power. Cleopatra helped destroy Rome. You can hug, kiss, talk on the phone, go for a walk in the park, have an ice cream cone together, go out for dinner. Your time is a form of payment. The payment is incredible. You getting dressed up? Going out with us? Exchanging explicit e-mails? But if he wants to sleep with you—make babies and have a family? So get to it. Did he offer to get up an hour earlier so he could drive you to work while your car is in the shop?

Did he offer to get up under the hood and take a look himself? Or tell you about his friend who owns a car shop and might be willing to do a favor for him—and you?

Real men extend themselves to women they care about. Or your new man may give you suggestions for how to deal with the unwanted phone calls; he might tell you to block his number or put a special ring on the phone so you know who it is when the phone rings, maybe even give you a few words to say to this guy to make him stop calling.

Say you lose a loved one—someone really close to you. A man who has plans for you will immediately offer some form of comfort and help so that you can take the time to grieve. He might ask you if he can take your kids out for a couple of hours so you can have some time to yourself, or he might ask you if he can go with you to the funeral home to be with you while you see about the funeral arrangements, and so that he can ex- press his condolences to your family. But a real man will respond with some kind of solution—he will do what he can to help you stop crying, because no man wants to see his woman crying.

Then the relationship becomes about what you want—what your needs are. Now, I realize that ninety days sounds like a lot of time and you kinda need to be real creative to keep his attention on you and your new relationship. So I came up with a list of things you can do with your man to help you—and him—stay focused on the relationship. Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.

Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade. Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together. Play a board game. Go for a long walk under a starlit sky. Have a movie night in which you both bring your favorite DVDs. Challenge each other to do something silly, like build a sandcastle at the beach or a game of jacks or marbles. Stop right there. This is not a good situation, ladies. Not a good situ- ation at all. In fact, the introduction is late—much too late.

Note: Telling him you have kids is not good enough. And that will only make him more apprehensive about that initial meet- ing; in his mind, you will have elevated the get-together to the level of a G8 summit, giving the introduction way more power than it needs or deserves. So, to avoid all of this, you need to get the kids in the game early; a natural, casual introduction early in the relationship will set all of you up for a much healthier connection.

Let him see you and them in your natural setting—in a mother- child capacity. And a guy wants to see that the potential mother of his children is at least decent at it, that she can be kind, compassionate, creative, and stern. He wants to see that you can handle matters without unravel- ing—that the stress that comes with marriage and family is something you can handle with decent skill—because the one thing we men do know is that marriage and family equals stress.

Walk him into your house, introduce him to little Taylor and Brianna, and then sit back and observe; you will get the purest and truest reaction from him when you do this. After all, you want your potential man to be able to be, well, a man around your kids—someone who can take charge when the kids act like fools and they need a man to set them straight.

Kids, after all, respect authority. Sure, how your kids feel about this guy should count for something, too. First off, how would a grown man look being scared off by a child? If he runs, let him.

And teenagers? The beauty of teenagers, though, is that they tend to make them- selves invisible. As a result, your new man might actually be able to focus on your relationship without the distraction of a misbehaving kid. Women live under that fear because the men intent on playing the game tricked you into thinking this way; as long as you believe it, we get to keep the game alive until we get what we want, without any obligations.

That, sweetheart, is a requirement. See what he says— what he does. Or put your son in a choke hold at the dinner table? Be realistic: no man is going to walk in your house and abuse anyone with you sitting nearby. So a man with children from a previ- ous relationship recognizes he needs to ration out the female encounters with his kids if he wants to try to keep a modicum of peace with his ex and actually see his kids again.

He tells you he likes kids, and actually would like to have one someday. He expresses interest in meeting your children. He shows up to the house with gifts—for the kids. Of course, if he brings an Xbox for Mikey and disappears for a few hours, then that might be a problem. He lets the children see that he sincerely respects and likes and even loves their mother. He makes a kid-friendly date with you and invites your children along.

He takes you and the kids to church. He has a good job and a solid work history. His nieces and nephews spend considerable time with him. He has younger siblings he helped care for when he was younger—and they made it through, unscathed. He has a pet, and it actually gets fed and taken care of. He keeps his house clean and knows how to cook a few decent meals.

He can and is willing to comfort your child when she hurts herself. He can get down and dirty with your children— squirting them with a water hose, shooting hoops at the park, getting buried in the sand at the beach—and like it.

Our wardrobe would be pretty simple: sweats, T-shirts, and socks—maybe some sneakers if we absolutely had to go outside. This is all to say that men are very simple creatures who would be prone to doing some very simple things if not for the women in our lives. Men go out and get jobs and hustle to make money because of women.

We drive fancy cars because of women. We dress nice, put on cologne, get haircuts and try to look all shiny and new for you. We do all of this because the more our game is stepped up, the more of you we get. Whatever the case, we men are no longer connecting with that special part of you that makes you a woman—that thing that makes you so very beautiful to us, and that also happens to make us feel more like men. What in the world do you need us for if you have all of that?

You can have the Brinks alarm system, the guard dog, and the pistol, too. But if the man who is pursuing your affection is never allowed by you to exhibit his ability to provide or pro- tect, then how can he possibly see himself professing his love to a woman who has not allowed him to feel like a man?

His DNA will not allow for that. What will end up happening instead? When I was a young man, I was in a relationship with a woman who I thought I loved. And adversity will come. Those wedding vows they make you say? For better or for worse? Worse is coming. In sickness and in health?

Somebody is going to get sick. For richer or for poorer? Some- body might end up broke, temporarily laid off. Hard times will certainly come. The question is, how are you going to deal with it? This was made clear to a friend of mine one particular day when he went grocery shopping. His woman was loading up the cart with everything she needed for the house—the meats, the vegetables, the fruits, the drinks, and everything. And then they turned down the aisle with the pineapple juice.

Who else in the world would have put a bottle of pineapple juice into their cart? She glanced at it, then gave him the eye, and pushed the grocery cart on—away from the mess and him. Her actions were only going to drive him away. Not long after, he left her. And that is pretty much the reaction you can expect from men in similar situations where a woman makes more than her partner and she rubs that fact in his face.

Will he be intimidated by your money and your success? Of course. But most of us grow out of this eventu- ally, and when we do, we recognize that a real man provides for the ones he loves. Some men never come out of the ignorance and die fools—alone.

We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us. So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync. And everyone involved is bound to get—and be—miserable.

So how do we get through this situation? Just be a lady. So do you want a man or not? You can do this. But sit there and let him pick up that check. In the long run, being a girl allows you to relax. Why not take the opportunity to relax? Chasing behind children is not something I do. Come on. Had that com- pliment not come through, I would have been salty about having to sit around with the kids all day when there were so many other things that I could have been doing—and wanted to do.

That compliment, you see, made me remember why I was in the game, and especially why Marjorie is on the team. And the best way to appreciate him is by being a girl, and especially letting him be a man.

He knows, too, what he needs: you. But your proposal never comes. And so, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. Maybe live with him.

Have his babies. Get close—really close—to his mom and sisters and friends. Basically, you give him everything he needs and all of what he wants. My biological clock is ticking like crazy, and we have been trying for the past year to get pregnant, to no avail I believe that this is a sign. As long as I have known him, I have shown him that I am not at all like the other women that he has dated. I was there for him when he injured himself, quit his job, when his father died, and when he was unemployed for months.

Am I being a fool for waiting for him? Should I just let it go? Well, let me break it down for her and you. In fact, I know of a few guys whose ladies are smack-dab in the middle of this predicament right now. One that stands out is a couple that dated for a year before she ended up pregnant. Oh, she thought the proposal, the ring, and the wedding would follow shortly after the baby was born. To his credit, her boy- friend did come through with a ring.

They share a home. They share parenting responsibilities. They share bills, schedules, car notes, church pews, and most cer- tainly a bed.

And this is the dilemma. Marriage does not. Trust me when I say this: men do everything with a purpose, and in the case where a man dates you for an extended length of time, or moves in with you, or gives you a ring, but still refuses to be pinned down on setting a wedding date? And what I want now is to be married to you. So I need you to set a date, and get back to me in a couple of weeks.

The arrangements we have now are not making me happy. This is a perfectly reasonable request. Ten years? The timeline is yours; stop giving up your power. Note: This is not about asking your man to marry you. Back in the day when my parents and their generation were courting and getting married, women could afford to wait around for the man to get it together because really, the options for men were limited. And whatever the father said is what went. Now women have been taught all their lives that if a man loves you, he will court you and ask for your hand in marriage.

I recognize that this is hard. Oh, it can be done. But recognize just how hard that will be. I need your time, loyalty, support, affection, attention, punctuality, kindness, gentleman ways—I need the doors opened, chairs pulled out, your respect, and above all else, your love. I also expect a diamond ring and a walk down the aisle. You know, make your house a home. After all, boys shack. Men build homes. Demand that he be a man about it. But if he loves you, he will profess it, he will provide for you, and he will protect you.

At the very least, you deserve clarity. Because women do not do well without clarity. Do you love me? Am I the one? What do you see for us? But I can tell you from personal experience: put your foot down, set some standards, and watch how fast he falls in line. Box office Edit. Technical specs Edit. Runtime 1 hour 34 minutes. Related news. Mar 12 The Wrap. Contribute to this page Suggest an edit or add missing content. Top Gap. See more gaps Learn more about contributing.

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